Oprah On Parental Estrangement: Is She Capitalizing On The Problem She Created?

On parental estrangement, Oprah Winfrey is almost right about one thing when she recently said, "Some experts believe that there's been a shift in how younger generations protect their mental health and their boundaries, or have an expanded view of what is considered abuse. And that has led to a silent epidemic."

Yes, parental estrangement has reached epidemic proportions, and estranged parents have suffered in silence for years, felled by the society-induced unfair guilt because "it must have been the parents' fault." There was no one to give them a voice, to understand, or even willing to listen to their side of the story, to help them for a very long time.

Estranged parents had lost the battle before they even knew they were fighting a war. Because the pop-psychologists like Oprah had spawned a generation that puts themselves first, to have excessive interest in or admiration of themselves, and couldn't give a damn about the consequences. So all the dedicated commitment of parents to create a unified family was thrown on the trash heap.

Did Oprah forget that she held sway over millions of people for many years (accumulating vast wealth in the process) and encouraged people to go no contact with their parents, creating a problem she now offers a new, potentially lucrative platform for?

Did Oprah Cause The Parental Estrangement Epidemic?

Oprah and others of her ilk said it's healing to call a parent a narcissist, yet, ironically, the very definition of a narcissist is “a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.” So instead of protecting their mental health, many Oprah and Oprah-like followers became narcissists and dumped abuse on their parents, using them as emotional punchbags.. Because Oprah, who accumulated a vast audience and eye-popping wealth through her pop psychology, said that's the right thing to do.

Yet, as they age, the narcissists I've known have dug deeper into their narcissism, unsatisfied with just a little, always wanting more for the all-important "me" and depriving themselves of authentic, meaningful human connections. They miss so much and have deep regrets, particularly later in life.

Has therapy for parental estrangement contributed to its surge?

What's astounding is that Oprah has jumped onto the parental estrangement trend bandwagon. It's perhaps unfair to write this piece because I haven’t watched the Oprah podcast, nor do I plan to. As an estranged parent, I’m not giving her an extra “view” to bank. But I do understand that Oprah is very good at capitalizing on trends and adjusting her empathy face (whether it's genuine or fake, she alone will know) to turn trends into trillions, and that she has accumulated vast wealth using this business model.

But did Oprah, using the “Oprah” show as a platform use the unethical "Create-a-Problem" business model, offering a solution to problems that either didn’t exist or were blown way out of proportion for viewer numbers, creating conflict between parents and their children and, and earning a significant amount of money in the process, create a new business opportunity and is she now seeking to make even more by solving a problem she helped create?

Parental Estrangement: The Difference Between Abandoning A Child And Rejecting A Parent

Abandoning a child and rejecting a parent are entirely different things.

Oprah’s mother left her as a young child. That was unfair and traumatic, but it’s not parental estrangement. Parental estrangement occurs when a child chooses to go no-contact, usually for reasons they don't share with the parent.

The experts on this subject are the estranged parents. While it's a good thing that Oprah has advanced the public debate, it must surely be recognized that she cannot begin to understand the pain of an estranged parent. Being an abandoned child is surely gut-wrenchingly agonizing. It leaves deep scars, but it's a very different thing for a parent who has spent decades loving and supporting a child, creating a life and identity around that child, only to be rejected without being told, or understanding the reasons. Overnight.

An abandoned child and an estranged parent have in common at least three things:

• They are both trauma sufferers

• Both experienced undeserved pain that changed their lives forever.

• Both experience loss and grief due to the breakdown of a parent-child relationship

• Both find themselves in an unfamiliar world and have to chart and navigate a new course.

But parents and children are shaped by different roles and responsibilities. While an abandoned child deals with a loss of care and support, an estranged parent often deals with feelings of rejection, the pain of a child who has created emotional and physical distance, an inability to grieve for a lost child as they cling to the hope the child will return, and the loss of their identity built over decades with their child being central to daily life and who they are.

The common ground is a fractured family connection and the resulting emotional pain, often leading to issues like feelings of worthlessness or a sense of loss. But society has made strides towards creating support structures for abandoned children, whereas estranged parents not only don't have access to the support they desperately need, but face the wrath of a critical society that judges them harshly, making it a mammoth task to heal form their trauma.

Comparing an estranged parent with an abandoned child does a disservice to both, but conflating the two does make it easier to publish potentially profitable content without the hassle of thorough research. Leveraging a trend does not equate to expertise on the complex subject of parental estrangement.

Oprah’s Life Experiences May Have Shaped Her Views, But Parental Estrangement Wasn’t One Of Her Experiences

Parents who abandon their children are frowned upon, without anyone giving them a platform to explain their usually heartbreakingly difficult reasons for making what may have been the most difficult decision of their lives. Both the parent and the abandoned child are entitled to support. Yet we live in an opinionated society, which is mainly a good thing, but unfortunately, those who know the least often speak the loudest.

Similarly, estranged parents are entitled to support. What Oprah is getting right is giving estranged parents a platform. It’s unfortunate that she is monetizing their shame and pain to perhaps learn about the problem. There is no doubt that Oprah has a deep understanding of trauma, possibly shaped by her abandonment at a young age.

Some internet research, scouring articles from reputable sites and cross-referencing them, indicates that Oprah described her relationship with her mother, Vernita Lee as complicated. Despite being hesitant to delve into someone's private life, Oprah has given many public interviews and built her brand on delving into people's private lives. My research was limited to understanding whether her understanding- and therefore her public utterances on the subject of parental estrangement- is meaningful to estranged parents.

When Oprah was born, her mother, Venita Lee, was a young girl with no education, training, or skills, having a baby in Mississippi at the age of seventeen. It's likely that she, too, faced harsh judgment from society and had little support. But she did have her family's support. Lee gave her baby to her mother to raise, and, for two years, Oprah was sent to live with her father, Vernon Winfrey, in Tennessee, before returning to her mother's care. Her mother threatened to put her in a detention center after she ran away- all pretty standard stuff that happens in many families.

Oprah was secretly pregnant at 13 and, two weeks after being sent back to live with her father and stepmother in Nashville, gave birth to a son prematurely, who died a week later. It was a pivotal moment, the opportunity for a fresh start, and Oprah enrolled in college, where she went on to earn a place on the honor roll.

It's unclear when Oprah became estranged from her mother. Whether she decided to leave when she was heavily pregnant or later isn't public knowledge, but she later indicated that, while her mother, working every day as a maid, didn't have the time.

Oprah said, “I was smart and my mother, because she didn’t have the time for me, I think, tried to stifle it.”

And that sentence may be key to her passion to encourage others to use the same strategy. It may be that she was subconsciously encouraging others to do as she had done to validate her decisions. Still, whatever the reason, that strategy worked incredibly well for her. Until it didn't.

Oprah’s mother wasn’t part of her life until she became a TV star. On her version, she didn’t see or hear from her mother for seven years. Through her interviews, it sounds like Oprah felt that her mother had abandoned her again, and being pregnant at 13, at a time when she needed her the most. Yet, and I admire her for this, Oprah provided an excellent standard of living for both her parents.

Oprah opened up about her complex relationship with her mom, who died in 2018 at age 83, on the February 4 episode of "The Oprah Podcast," which was devoted to healing from childhood trauma. She made no secret of her complicated relationship with her mother, Vernita.

In 2024, on Oprah Daily, she said, "There's something about the mother-daughter dynamic that has the power to cut deep and sharp and raw—much more so than our other relationships.”

In a touching interview, Oprah described some of her discussions with her mother before she died. What she said to her mother was, 'Thank you. Thank you, because I know it's been hard for you....Lots of people would have told you to give that baby away, to abort that baby. You didn't do that. I know that was hard. I want you to know that no matter what, I know that you always did the best you knew how to do. "And look how it turned out."

Yet Oprah built her brand and made heaps of money by influencing other people to cut their parents out of their lives, supposedly to heal. It was an extremely low personal risk strategy- Oprah has no children who could cut her off. For Oprah, it would have been a low-risk, potentially lucrative strategy to encourage children to cut off their parents, a message that spread like wild-fire, earning her significant money, and ultimately leading to the parental estrangement epidemic.

And it makes absolutely no sense at all. And even less sense that she is now circling the subject of parental estrangement.

Is Oprah Just Looking For A New Business Model?

When Oprah left the wildly successful Oprah Winfrey Show after 25 years, she felt it was time for a change. She wanted to end the show while it was still at its peak, and she was feeling the "relentless pressure" of balancing authenticity with the demand for sensational content, which conflicted with her desire to be authentic. She said it was getting harder and harder to sit in a "seat of truth".

After the OWN network's initial struggles, by 2018, OWN was home to two of the top five ad-supported cable dramas among women aged 25-54, indicating a significant programming shift and turnaround. Oprah's company, Harpo Productions, now owns only 5% of OWN, while Discovery bought 95% from Oprah.

Oprah launched her weekly podcast, The Oprah Podcast, on December 3, 2024. The podcast aims to help listeners on their journey to "lead their best life" through conversations exploring timely topics like happiness, resilience, consciousness, and connection.

It sounds very much like, by bringing parental estrangement to her podcast, Oprah has come full circle, returning to "sensational content" she claimed conflicted with her desire to be authentic, appealing to the same audience of women aged 25-54.

But the lingering impression is that this is just another sensational content trap, centred on the exact problem she created. While Oprah’s marketing for the podcast indicates that "I know this is a tender, hot-button topic. My hope is that we can open our hearts and really listen. I'm not on anybody's side. I just want to hear what everyone has to say."

But hot-button topic = many views = more $$, too.

Do I trust Oprah On Parental Estrangement?

Yet, while Oprah told her own mother shortly before her death, "You should go in peace," it’s something she has stolen from many estranged parents. So it’s great that Oprah is giving estranged parents a platform, but the question should be: “Why are estranged parents giving Oprah a platform, when most could probably succeed in a class action lawsuit against her for the pain and suffering she caused?”

It’s too early to know whether this is another “create a problem” business model or not. But it’s inescapable not to recognize that there are already far too many “healers,” “therapists,” and “gurus” selling, yes, selling whether they are paid directly or via media platforms like social media, streaming podcasts, or conventional broadcasts, their solutions to estranged parents, who, just by their sheer numbers, have become a vast audience to tap into.

Mostly, these models offer solutions that harm more than they heal- “create-a-problem” models are recognized as predatory or manipulative practices that exploit consumer insecurities or lack of information.

And Oprah's previous "create-a-problem" model created hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of traumatized, vulnerable, and thus, receptive to “solutions” potential audience members. In its peak years, around 1991-1992, the show averaged approximately 12.6 million viewers daily and, if I recall correctly, many shows centered on cutting people out of your life to heal.

What Estranged Parents Really Need

Estranged parents don’t need another business model. They need real, authentic understanding and support and guidance on ways to heal. Yes, they need a platform too- they have suffered from being deprived of a voice for far too long. But that is just one small part of the healing process.

Estranged parents need real, meaningful support. They understand all too well what estrangement is, but educating themselves is key to coming to terms with estrangement so that the healing process can begin. Pop psychologists have reduced them to an audience instead. They deserve much better.

When they somehow muster up the will to heal, they are faced with a dazzling array of "therapists," healers," and "gurus," and finding one who deeply understands parental estrangement and can offer authentic support is like finding a needle in a haystack.

I’m from the school of “two wrongs don’t make a right.” Oprah may have made a significant contribution to the life-changing (and not in a good way) parental estrangement epidemic, but by leveraging that pain to create a lucrative platform, it harms more than it helps.

It's encouraging to see that some estranged parents have had the opportunity to have their voices heard. It will bolster their healing. But the real problems are trauma, and the misguided "healers," "therapists," and "gurus" who exploit a tragic issue that has changed what it means to be human, rather than address either the causes of trauma or find effective ways of healing trauma. Ongoing global warfare and people who become homeless because they simply cannot find ways to heal from trauma stand as a stark testament to this.

But this article is about Oprah's involvement in parental estrangement.

I’m an estranged parent and was once a huge Oprah fan. Do I regret letting my kids watch the Oprah show with me? Absolutely!

Yet Oprah has a new, again monetized platform on a trendy subject. Would I trust what she has to say? Absolutely not! Those who eventually know better do better.

Oprah On Estrangement Podcast

If history is anything to go by, it's only a matter of time before Oprah starts weaving in subtle suggestions that estranged parents protect their mental health and their boundaries by cutting off the children who rejected them. Many estranged parents may disagree- we all find different ways, but I, for one, will always leave my door open to my children.

The difficulty will lie in two people who may barely recognize each other, yet create a new, trust-based relationship despite deep pain on both sides. I will always be ready to do that, and can only hope that one day, my children will be ready too. But if they continue to buy into pop psychology from people with no fundamental understanding of or empathy for estranged parents, and others who spread vicious propaganda to maintain control over them, my wait may still be long. But I'll continue rebuilding my life as I wait.

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