Living on the edge of life, for a very long time, trauma victims often don't see themselves as victims of trauma or anything else. But they do reach a point where they know without a shadow of a doubt that they are unable to function as they could and as they think they should.
Staying strong in the face of adversity, the initial trauma is quickly overcome by getting on with life- getting up, brushing yourself off, and living life. But life just doesn't feel the same. Because it's not the same when things start creeping into your life, your being, that weren't there before. Like a thief in the night, trauma stealthily takes away joy, meaning and a previously secure sense of self, leaving numbness and occasional despair. At some point you may have to consider owning trauma in order to let it go.
Effects Of Trauma
Trauma has an almost cryogenic effect. Frozen in time, life pauses with trauma and while the victim may still be alive according to clinical criteria, it doesn’t feel like it, as you vacillate between the desperate hope of recovering and living a happy life again, and slipping into a downward spiral of despair. And in trying to not give airtime to horrible things that happen, you add a layer of self-doubt, as though there’s something inherently wrong with you, or you did something wrong. (**Spoiler alert: There isn’t and you didn’t).
The thing is, not connecting these feelings to the trauma is part of the problem. Internalizing without recognizing the role of trauma in creating debilitating symptoms such as numbness, exhaustion, and anxiety, they cut themselves off from the world to protect themselves, although it’s seldom a physical exclusion, but rather an emotional disassociation with everything and everyone around. It’s self-imposed emotional distancing and isolation.
Part of understanding the impact of trauma takes recognizing what experts have identified as key factors. The effects of trauma include:
Initial reactions to trauma
Affecting most people confronted by trauma, some reactions are considered normal, and socially acceptable. They include:
Exhaustion: The kind of tiredness not cured by sleep, even basic daily tasks take a lot of effort.
Confusion: Not limited to being confused about the traumatic event, the confusion extends to general distractedness.
Sadness: Being sad about what happened, but also feeling sadder about things that would not have seemed as bad before the event.
Anxiety: Feeling nervous, an occasional feeling of impending doom makes you jittery, and it's hard to relax.
Agitation: Uneasiness and restlessness seem to take over your mind.
Numbness: Detached from the world, you know things are happening but simply don't care. Nothing matters and there's no joy in things that used to make you happy.
Dissociation: Time doesn’t exist anymore and there are memory gaps as though part of your mind went MIA. Even when you’re speaking to the person next to you, it feels like they are 5 miles away.
Physical arousal: Easily startled or frightened, it feels like you’re living on a knife’s edge, always on guard for danger. You engage in edgy, self-destructive behavior, like driving too fast, drinking too much, or other extreme things.
Blunted affect: You’ve lost interest in activities that give pleasure and feel detached from other people. Unable to express your emotions, a sense of numbness prevails, almost like you are living outside your body.
More severe responses to trauma include:
Continuous distress without times in between of relative calm or rest: The pain seems relentless and won’t leave you alone.
Severe dissociation: You start feeling a bit like a zombie.
Intense intrusive recollections that carry on long after returning to safety: Despite no longer being in danger, it feels like it’s just around the corner, or lurking in every corner.
Delayed responses to trauma can include:
Persistent fatigue: You wake up tired, every day.
Sleep disorders: Either you can’t sleep or you can’t get out of bed.
Nightmares: Not just bad dreams, nightmares feel real and wake you up feeling like your dream really did just happen.
Fear of recurrence: Always in alert mode, you anticipate danger everywhere, even in safe spaces, and it’s impossible to relax.
Anxiety focused on flashbacks: It starts with a trigger, and suddenly you're back in the middle of the traumatic event, or at least it feels that way.
Depression: That bleak, dark cloud that blocks the sun from every part of your life.
Avoidance of emotions, sensations, or activities that are associated with the trauma, even remotely: Returning to the scene is impossible, but suddenly you see reminders everywhere and find ways to avoid places, people, activities, and things.
The effects of trauma manifest in feelings and the way you live your life. No longer quite all there, you continue to go about doing the things that people call life without ever being truly absorbed by or engaged in them. You’re so far away from who you really are almost feel like the weird creep in the Radiohead song that says,
“What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.”
But you do belong here, you’re not weird. You- the real you, is still within you. Separating from the trauma will help you define yourself without the blurred vision of trauma so you can remember that you are a valuable member of society with lots to offer. That you are special. It’s hard to acknowledge you’re a victim. But being someone else just to survive is worse.
How To Let Go Of Past Trauma
The two most important elements of trauma recovery are:
1. You have to want to recover and internalize the decision to heal.
2. You must take full ownership of the fact that you are worth it. You deserve it. You are a whole person who matters.
Even "Yes, but...well, no" is a great start because you understand that there is a possibility, a seed of hope. It's ok to experience the negative effects of trauma that somebody else caused. But by clinging onto past events you are continuously re-traumatizing yourself- a common symptom of C-PTSD.
Coping with trauma means finding strategies to live with the effects of a traumatic event. Despite helping ease the pain, coping often prolongs the agony, and finding ways to heal is a better option. Letting go of the trauma is a big part of healing.
To let go of trauma:
Reach out for professional help: Feeling helpless and alone makes it difficult to reach out for help, but it's crucial to do so. Find a professional or reputable organization in your area that can put you on a path to healing and could put a label on the thing that is causing distress. A diagnosis of a disorder should be seen in a positive light because it's easier to solve a known problem- one that countless highly intelligent, qualified people have put years of research and understanding into, than floundering around in the dark and trying things that don't work. Ask around or google to find a professional or, if funds are limited, an organization that can help. Help is available but can be accessed unless you ask. A diagnosis by a professional is worth gold and could save your life by taking you out of freeze mode and helping you to turn your life around.
Manage flashbacks and triggers: The are numerous ways to manage recurring references to traumatic events such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Find out about them to make an informed, intelligent decision about what could work for you.
Develop resilient responses: After trauma, people automatically reevaluate their values and redefine what is important. Healthy ways to start letting go of trauma include:
Increase bonding with family and community.
Redefine or amplify your sense of purpose and meaning.
Increase your commitment to your personal mission for the time you have been given on earth.
Reassess your priorities
Volunteer where you can and do as much charitable giving as you are able.
Watch your substance intake: Substance use is often started or increased after trauma. Letting go of substances, especially those that keep you numb, is a scary thought, but lets you look at the trauma with a clear mind, and let it go.
Getting treatment for recovering from frightening events is a daunting thought, and the longer trauma co-habits your brain, the more difficult it becomes to move out of a self-imposed frozen, numb, isolated existence. There are real neurobiological consequences of trauma that are associated with PTSD and the variety of ways it manifests in the brain is vast. Trauma affects people differently, and a treatment that works for one person may not work for another. Depending on the symptoms, different treatments can be tried to find what works for you.
Talk to anyone who will listen to get it out.
Read, Google, and ask questions: Get as much information as you can, and sift through to find what resonates with you.
PTSD is not a weakness. It’s real. Instead of struggling alone and in silence, start reimagining your life without pulling the heavy burden of trauma along with you. Then do something to let go of the weight you are carrying. There are so many ways to do this.
Strategies That Can Help You Heal From Trauma
Find out everything you possibly can about trauma, its effects, and ways to cope and heal.
Practice mindfulness, recognizing that the past is past and the future will unfold in its own good time. The present is all we ever have.
Connect with other people, because the human connection is part of life and living. It gives our lives meaning and purpose.
Find forgiveness. Whether you need to find a way to forgive someone else, to be forgiven, or to forgive yourself, forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools when it comes to healing.
Accept help and support, even though it may be difficult to ask. In accepting that you deserve the help, support, and love available you are taking a giant leap towards recovery.
Practice gratitude: Affirmations of gratitude and thankfulness bring our attention to the many blessings we have. Finding joy in many small things contributes to a whole lot of happiness.
Get physical and move about. Dance like nobody’s watching, even when they are watching. Exercise is great for lifting mood, weight, and ego.
Work with your feelings. Feel them, accept them, and write about them by journaling or writing essays.
Meditate to clear your mind. Even a simple technique- like focusing on a single flower, looking at the whole, then slowly working your attention to the middle before moving it slowly back out towards the whole calms the mind and soothes the soul.
Give attention to self-care daily. And do something that makes you feel good every day, even if it’s a simple thing like breathing exercises or taking a hot shower. If it makes you feel even slightly good, do it.
Avoid addictive substances, especially those that keep you frozen in time and space. Having the relief of mindlessness for a while is meaningless if it creates health and other problems.
Get creative with whatever interests you. Whether it's making something with your hands, writing a poem or interesting story, or exploring your artistic side, these are all parts of what makes up a person and should be embraced.
Take a break from time to time. Healing from trauma takes a lot of energy so take time out to rest now and then.
The Five Stages of Trauma
Similar to the stages of grief identified by Dr Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, trauma has five stages:
Denial: Automatically deployed as a defense mechanism, denial lessens the initial impact.
Anger: The ignored feelings continue to swirl around and boil over into anger as reality sets in.
Bargaining: Trying to control difficult emotions, a certain irrational rationality leads to attempts to make trade-offs
Depression: Withdrawing from people, an overwhelming sadness taints every aspect of life.
Acceptance: Coming to terms with what was experienced, accepting is the first step to processing trauma and healing.
Although the stages don’t always happen in order, and are later revisited despite having reached the “next level,” making acceptance a personal goal is a good idea, but can only happen when you are good and ready. Don’t force it, but don’t stop taking steps to achieve it either.
How Long Does It Take To Recover From Trauma?
From the moment trauma happens, the body goes into hyper-alert mode and it becomes a panic station. Generally, it takes about a month or so to process a traumatic event and start healing and recovering. If the body doesn’t re-align itself to a normal state of balance and equilibrium within this period, it can turn into more severe issues, including PTSD.
Recovery from trauma varies from person to person and healing can take weeks, months, or even years because it’s an intensely personal process based on unique personality traits and value systems. There may be setbacks along the way but this is normal. It’s when the problems get worse and affect overall well-being, leaving the person in pain, that concern should be raised.
Trauma Recovery For The Person In Pain
You’re not weird. You’re not that creep. There is a wonderful life to be lived if you work through the pain of trauma and- in small steps, reconnect with the world. Reconnect with your friends and family- if they stayed with you through the torrid experience of trauma, they are worth keeping and worth putting the time in to deepen your bonds. Or make new friends, there are so many people in this world, some of them will definitely get you, and want to spend time with you. Start now.
"No need to run and hide It's a wonderful, wonderful life"
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