How Self-Sabotage Fuels Fear Of Success

Achievemephobia- fear of success, may be one of the most debilitating phobias. Like a slow, silent killer, it keeps well-laid plans dead in the water while you're swimming out towards your hopes and dreams, striving to achieve success. This fear ensures that those goals will never be reached, yet the hope, the striving, stays.

Perhaps the most frustrating part of the fear of success is self-sabotage. You know you can do something, yet somehow you can't. After working hard towards a goal and achieving some success along the way, it's often at the last hurdle that we inexplicably throw in the towel. Because there’s that seed of doubt someone planted deep in your psyche as a permanent reminder that you don’t deserve success.

Self-Sabotage And The Fear Of Success

While the definition of fear of success is " a fear of accomplishing one's goals or succeeding in society, or a tendency to avoid doing so, according to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, the effects of achievemephobia can range from living a comfortable but unfulfilled life, in a somewhat brutal word, it’s self-sabotage. It’s like being your own worst enemy, and shooting yourself in the foot at a pivotal, life-changing moment.

“People occasionally fall ill precisely when

a deeply-rooted and long-cherished wish has come to fulfillment.”

Sigmund Freud,

“Those Wrecked by Success,”

1916

Freud argues that it's not unusual for the ego to tolerate a wish as harmless, so long as it exists in fantasy alone and seems remote from fulfilment, but that the ego will defend itself hotly against such a wish as soon as it approaches fulfilment and threatens to become a reality.

The ego is a much-debated subject, and plays an outsized role in our lives- whether we have an outsized ego, or limit ourselves to thinking we're just not good enough. Both can create outsize problems.

The Horner Effect

Defined as a psychological phenomenon by U.S. psychologist Matina Horner in the 1960s, the Horner effect posits that people from socioeconomically disadvantaged backgrounds fear that success will lead to alienation from their community, resulting in a loss of identity and a diminished sense of belonging within their culture.

Horner’s research focused on women and the feminist perspective, but it was the 60's, when men were, for the most part, still regarded as faultless, and women somewhat less so. Fortunately, we've moved on.

But there is truth in the Horner effect, which proposes that the fear of success often stems from perceived negative consequences, such as social rejection or a need to make significant life changes, and that people may unconsciously avoid success to prevent these perceived adverse outcomes.

More recent research indicates that perceived consequences of success are as much intrapersonal as interpersonal. Whereas Horner's study participants' perceived consequences were limited to romantic rejection, the newer study found that the implications are much broader, extending to the participant's entire social network, including family, friends, and community.

Imposter Syndrome

Often triggered in high-achieving environments and experienced by high-performing individuals, such as doctors and tech professionals by systemic discrimination and bias, burnout, low self-esteem, and anxiety: These feelings can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and depression, fear of success often presents itself as persistent self-doubt, and the constant nagging fear of exposure, being found less intelligent or skilled as you have shown yourself to be.

Imposter syndrome often emerges from attributing success to external factors like luck or timing, rather than personal merit, and is prevalent among perfectionists. The result is an internalized feeling of fraudulence, as though you somehow "fooled" others into believing in your abilities.

Jonah Complex

Coined by psychologist Abraham Maslow, the Jonah complex is the fear of one's own potential and greatness. Like the biblical Jonah, those with a Jonah Complex try to run from their own destiny, causing them to avoid or underachieve in life due to fear of success and the responsibilities that come with it.

“We fear our highest possibilities…

We are generally afraid to become that which we can glimpse in our most perfect moments."

Abraham Maslow

Symptoms of fear of success include self-sabotage, playing it small, and feelings of inadequacy. You are not afraid of failure; you are afraid of your own power.

Difference Between Fear Of Success And Fear Of Failure

With fear of failure, your deepest fear is that you will fail, you won’t measure up. With fear of success, you are not scared that you’ll fall. You are scared of what will happen if you actually fly.

With fear of failure, you fear you are not good enough; it's rooted in poor self-esteem and leads to self-doubt and anxiety about mistakes. Procrastination, perfectionism, and the "imposter syndrome" (feeling like a fraud) are features of this fear.

Fear of success, on the other hand, is rooted in anxieties about the perceived negative consequences of achieving goals, for example, change, increased pressure, or disappointing others. It features anxiety about being in the spotlight, fear of change, fear of increased stress, or worries about not living up to new expectations.

The added responsibility that success will bring can be even more intimidating than familiar failure, mainly because, despite being completely capable of achieving a dreamt-of reality, self-sabotage will keep that dream elusive. Self-saboteurs suppress their ambition and intentionally "underachieve" or "cripple and stunt" themselves to avoid the perceived punishment for being superior.

Self Sabotage: The Art Of Being Your Own Worst Enemy

The three core fears- Fear of Death, Fear of Abandonment, and Fear of Failure all feature Fear of the Unknown. Yet the key elements of fear of success are fearing what you know the outcome will be, and sabotaging it yourself.

But the 4 F's in psychology- Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn, the human responses to danger or a threat, often present themselves in the case of both fear of failure and fear of success. In the case of fear of success, the achievement itself is the threat. So why do we perceive something we have hoped for, something we have worked hard for, as a danger or threat?

The short answer is, because often someone told us we don't deserve it, and we have been conditioned to believe the lie. On a more complex level, it's where our unconscious thoughts of not being good enough become conscious conflict with our planned achievements and lives. Sort of like an irrational rational thought, or an irrational thought that we find ways to rationalize.

Sometimes self-sabotage is unconscious, and sometimes it’s purposeful. Bingeing on chocolate as a reward for making progress towards weight loss goals is a conscious, but irrational thought, for example, and losing a client through procrastination may feel unconscious, but on some level, we know what we're doing- we're sabotaging our success. Usually, because we think we don't deserve it.

The Oxford Review observes that "Many people engage in self-sabotage where they think, act, and behave in ways that reduce their effectiveness or even sabotage their own success."

Self-sabotage has different elements:

Self-handicapping

The proactive strategies and behaviours we use either externalise failure (for example, “I failed because the stress made me ill”), or internalise success (for example, “I aced this assignment- I must be pretty smart.”

Self-handicapping usually occurs when people have less self-concept clarity (the stability and consistency of a person's knowledge and evaluation of themselves) and is associated with lower levels of self-esteem. It is also often linked to trauma. Historical studies of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) patients showed that some actively tried to recreate traumatic experiences, while others created imaginary traumatic pasts and histories to explain their lack of progress or lack of success.

Self-handicapping can be self-directed or other-directed, and deception occurs when a person consciously or unconsciously manipulates the information they give others. In both cases, self-handicapping or self-sabotage is common and often the result of robust self-deception aimed at regulating self-esteem.

Self-deception

Self-directed deception induces self-handicapping to regulate self-esteem, but it also reduces the person's effectiveness in the process. It makes the handicapping behaviour more rational and convincing. It provides an external reason for failure that is not due to a choice, a motivational issue, or laziness, but rather to a factor outside their direct control.

Causes Of Self-Sabotage

Research on the relationship between childhood trauma and medically self-sabotaging behaviors has found a relationship between physical neglect in childhood and the generation of medically self-sabotaging behaviors in adulthood.

More recently, a study of self-sabotage patterns noted that an internalizing coping style has a greater impact than an externalizing coping style. In turn, our coping style plays a vital role in shaping self-sabotage behaviors in early adulthood, particularly for those with emotionally immature parents.

The factors that contribute to self-sabotage include:

• Low self-esteem: People who lack self-confidence, feel undeserving, especially those with people-pleasing tendencies.

• Fear of the unknown: Paralyzed by fear, a person often clings to old, self-defeating habits.

• Control: When failure is a possible outcome, a person may feel they have control over how things turn out if they ensure it fails.

• Cognitive dissonance: The uncomfortable tension we feel when we hold two beliefs that contradict each other or when our actions contradict our beliefs. For example, like the person on a diet who indulges in chocolate above, cognitive dissonance means we then eat that chocolate, knowing it is bad for us, and sabotage our goals.

• Childhood trauma: Kids who are consistently criticized, neglected, or made to feel inadequate often internalize those beliefs. For example, when a narcissistic parent constantly blames their scapegoat child for family problems, criticizing them, and using them as an outlet for their own frustrations to maintain a sense of superiority, the child will be conditioned into accepting this untruth about themselves- a false perspective carried into adulthood that turns into self-sabotage.

  
  

Click here to read more about overcoming trauma

Whatever the cause of self-sabotage, it ultimately develops from or into a fear of success, becoming a self-defeating, self-destructive force that deprives us of the happiness we deserve. We become victims of ourselves and our own negative, poorly wired thought processes.

Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

Do you answer yes to any of these questions?

1	Do you consistently procrastinate, especially on important tasks?
2	Do you avoid opportunities or situations where success is likely?
3	Do you regularly find yourself in unhealthy relationships with people you don’t trust?
4	Do you often indulge in negative self-talk? (e.g.”I’m an idiot”)
5	Do you feel overwhelmed by the pressure to be perfect?
6	Do you engage in self-destructive behaviors (e.g., excessive drinking, overeating, or neglecting self-care)?
7	Do you constantly put others' needs before your own, to the detriment of your own needs?
8	Do you often feel unable to say no and end up overburdening yourself with projects?
9	Do you ruin relationships through unnecessary arguing or creating distance with loved ones without a real reason?
10	Do you tend to avoid conflict, dodging necessary discussions or confrontations in personal or professional relationships?
11	Are you chronically late for appointments or deadlines?
12	Do you neglect your own physical and mental self-care?

If you answered mostly yes, it’s time for some introspection- the road to real and satisfying success is paved with ways to overcome self-sabotage.

10 Ways To Overcome Self-Sabotage

There are so many real enemies in the world- why do you want to be on their side and be your own worst enemy?

Use these strategies to stop sabotaging yourself:

1. Practice gratitude: Look around and take note of things to be grateful for- there is always an abundance to choose from, once you learn to really look, and count the small things that are often those that matter most- you woke up this morning, for example.

2. Make an inventory: Note your achievements for the day, then expand them to the week, the month, the year, and your entire life. Give yourself a pat on the back for each one.

3. Develop your self-awareness: Understand your own thinking patterns and pay particular attention to the self-sabotaging strategies you deploy.

4. Manage your triggers: One trigger, a tiny thought, can seep into your entire thought process and cloud your thinking. Recognize them, and find ways to defuse triggers.

5. Challenge negative beliefs: When you think you’re not good enough, challenge this thought. Is it true or is it a false belief rooted in past experiences?

6. Set small goals: Big changes can feel overwhelming. Instead, set smaller, more achievable goals.

7. Celebrate even the small victories: These help build confidence that leads to bigger victories.

8. Tackle self-limiting beliefs: Acknowledge the thoughts that limit you, analyse whether they have any truth, and identify what you can do to change them.

9. Seek support: Speak with a trusted friend or loved one about your tendency to self-sabotage, or speak with a mental health professional. An outside perspective can help provide clarity and human connection, and understanding is, without doubt, one of the most healing experiences.

10. Be kind to yourself: Remember, it’s a journey and everyone progresses at their own pace.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

— Albert Schweitzer

Overcoming Fear Of Success

Incidentally, FOS stands for Fear of Success. For some, FOS also stands for "Full of Shit." But the truth usually lies somewhere between the two, and it's not so much the definition that matters as the healing.

About success, Albert Einstein said,

"The important thing is not to stop questioning."

But question your negative beliefs, and avoid second-guessing yourself or questioning your value- you are a human being with intrinsic value and have a unique set of attributes to offer the world. You have value.

The self-sabotage strategy deployed when you fear success is a pattern of behavior or thought that creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-term goals. While it often stems from deep-seated fears, low self-esteem, or past trauma, it affects almost all parts of your life.

Because fear of success is often rooted in unconscious conflicts, negative core beliefs, and psychological defense mechanisms, it affects your sense of self-worth. You may subconsciously believe you don't deserve happiness or success, and then act out these beliefs by sabotaging yourself.

Critically, engage with the world- see yourself through the eyes of your best friend or number one fan and practice self-compassion. Challenge negative self-limiting beliefs and avoid the dangers of a defeatist attitude.

But mostly, leave the ghosts that whisper negative thoughts in your head behind and acknowledge that you deserve a fruitful, successful, happy life. Often- until even you believe it.

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Things To Know About Self Sabotage:

Key points at a glance:

• Sigmund Freud observed that “People occasionally fall ill precisely when a deeply-rooted and long-cherished wish has come to fulfillment.”

• Matina Horner developed the Horner effect, that posits that people from socioeconomically disadvantaged backgrounds fear that success will lead to alienation from their community, resulting in a loss of identity and a diminished sense of belonging within their culture.

• Imposter syndrome often emerges from attributing success to external factors like luck or timing, rather than personal merit, and is prevalent among perfectionists. The result is an internalized feeling of fraudulence, as though you somehow "fooled" others into believing in your abilities.

• Coined by psychologist Abraham Maslow, the Jonah complex is the fear of one's own potential and greatness. Like the biblical Jonah, those with a Jonah Complex try to run from their own destiny, causing them to avoid or underachieve in life due to fear of success and the responsibilities that come with it. "We fear our highest possibilities."

• With fear of failure, your deepest fear is that you will fail, you won’t measure up. With fear of success, you are not scared that you’ll fall. You are scared of what will happen if you actually fly. So, driven by this fear of success, we sabotage ourselves.

• Often times self-sabotage is unconscious, and sometimes it’s purposeful. Bingeing on chocolate as a reward for making progress towards weight loss goals is a conscious, but irrational thought, for example, and losing a client through procrastination may feel unconscious, but on some level, we know what we're doing- we're sabotaging our success. Usually, because we think we don't deserve it.

• The factors that contribute to self-sabotage include low self-esteem, fear of the unknown, attempting to maintain control over the outcome, the cognitive dissonance of holding two beliefs that contradict each other or when our actions contradict our beliefs, and childhood trauma.

• To overcome self sabotage, question your negative beliefs, and avoid second-guessing yourself or questioning your value- you are a human being with intrinsic value and have a unique set of attributes to offer the world. You have value.

• Critically, engage with the world- see yourself through the eyes of your best friend or number one fan and practice self-compassion. Challenge negative self-limiting beliefs and avoid the dangers of a defeatist attitude.