Emotional Gold Diggers: Lion-hearts Who Dig Anywhere But Within For Emotions

Men are bulletproof: a misconception that has persisted for generations, likely since the divisions between hunters and gatherers put men at higher risk, making a permanent shield against the world's dangers crucial to their survival.

But men are not bulletproof, and the spotlight on men's mental health turned on by Gen Z has increasingly brought this into the light. More specifically, men do experience emotions; they have just been burying them deep within for many, many generations. But with the new wisdom, many men are finding it difficult to look within, and look to their partners as a glittering goldfield, where their emotions may be found, and conquered, but still be the kings of their particular jungles.

Lion-hearted Men

In the animal kingdom (of which humans are a sub-species) lions are the kings, but male lions aren’t the hunters- they leave the hunting, child-rearing, and all the heavy lifting to the lionesses and only have two jobs: To make babies, and also to occasionally fend off other male lions wanting to make babies with the lion’s chosen woman or waiting for the opportunity to kill the other’s cubs.

To be fair, male lions can kill with brutally powerful strength, but why exert the effort if your woman is equally efficient at bringing home the bacon, or buck? It's a nice life, just lying around in the warm African sun and getting laid every now and then - for as long as it lasts, until a more powerful lion comes along and ruins it, and you have to fend for yourself, without your woman.

Perhaps this is why many men want a lion trophy- as a constant reminder of the life they could have, that their ancestors may well have had, once upon a time. Or perhaps it's because it would be socially unacceptable to stuff your trophy wife and hang her on the wall to show all the other males that you are the one who got the girl, the one whose seed will be passed down for the generations to come. The evolutionary jackpot winner.

On a less facetious note, to be lion-hearted means to be extraordinarily brave and courageous, possessing or displaying courage; able to face and deal with danger or fear without flinching. This is eerily similar to how human men of past generations defined themselves —and were defined by women —as the protectors. And- like lions, men were once the protectors who often got lots of leg-over, until some women gave their gender a bad name by using the latter as an irresistible tool to get what they wanted, and the less emotionally intelligent ones still do.

The lion-hearted definition was carried over into the Greatest Generation, who went off and fought two world wars in the first half of the last century, and stoically returned to become the protectors of their women, families, communities, and countries. Until the pace of life, the speed of technological advances, and the overwhelming spread of information and misinformation changed life as humans once lived forever.

Men and women have, mainly, both adapted admirably well, with each generation bringing fresh perspectives and ways of adapting, but many men are still grappling with the emotional aspect of being human in the 21^st century. The lion hearts remain, as they should, but we would all live in a better world if those hearts made a little space to process very human emotions.

Emotional Gold Diggers

Men, particularly lion-hearted men, tend to disown their emotions, and the emotions of others, or at least assign them significantly less prominence than say putting food on the table- including their quest to earn a good living in their career or business, which, some think will be key to getting to be the one to copulate with the lioness, but also to give their families a better life.

Their parents' parenting style and traumatic experiences can also play a role in someone feeling out of touch with their emotions or unable to express them.

However, they may have become hidden; those emotions are still there, and the term emotional gold digging, coined in 2006, suggests that men tend to over-reliance on women for their own emotional needs, at the expense of women. And that, as a result, women have to do the emotional heavy lifting for men, much like the lionesses do all the heavy lifting— emotional and otherwise —while the lion gets to be, well, the king of his jungle.

Being a lion also comes with risks. A male lion's penis is barbed with keratin spines, which scrape the female's reproductive tract during mating. Although it's excruciating for the lioness, unlike dogs, which come into heat, the spikes stimulate the lioness's ovulation, but at the same time, help the male remove rival sperm, ensuring the reproductive success of the act, and the continuation of his lineage.

The pain experienced by the lioness is also the reason she often reacts aggressively after mating, swatting or growling at the male, and the reason why males usually look like they're about to maul the female during copulation- it's simply readiness for when the female's fangs retaliate the pain on the other end of their torso. In this way, the male retains dominance despite the pain he is inflicting. It's not dissimilar to some human males.

But humans have come a long way, thankfully. Male dominance over females, while still prevalent, is widely frowned upon. And men, too, are, equally thankfully, becoming more self-aware. But this does bring with it the discovery of previously buried emotions.

While Boomers espoused philosophy such as "big boys don't cry," it's now recognised that this is as harmful to the men who don't cry as it is to those they dump their emotions, expressed as rage, onto. Self-awareness, including acknowledging and accepting the emotions within, is a massive step forward.

But personal growth seldom, if ever, happens in giant leaps. It's a journey of many steps, mainly small, interspersed with some quantum leaps of aha! It kind of creeps up, and it's only when we look back that we realize just how much progress we have made. But sometimes its the result of difficult issues that arise, burnout being just one, but emotional gold diggers all too often sit back and watch over the parental estrangement of their own parents- their children's grandparents, powerless against their kinkeepers.

Some men are leaving the emotional heavy lifting to their partners. Or, as the term emotional gold-digger implies, rely on women for their own emotional needs. It's a lonely life. But stepping out into the emotional realm, the place millions of years of evolution have trained them to avoid at all costs, is one of those quantum leaps in personal development.

The Intimacy And Connection Opportunities In Emotional Gold Digging

Emotional gold diggers see their trusted partners as the goldfields of emotions to be mined. It’s their quest for emotional enrichment. Not only is it an indication of trust, but it’s a rare opportunity for authentic intimacy- that elusive thing partners sometimes complain about when, ironically, they’re not complaining about doing the emotional heavy lifting.

Emotionally intelligent partners will embrace this opportunity to deepen the relationship. But emotional gold diggers are at risk- their trust may be misplaced. Sometimes, partners are simply seeking to extract benefit from the relationship and would see the digging as a vulnerability to be exploited, with disastrous consequences to the entire family.

Just as GenX and later generations are adept at finding a good work-life balance, they would be well-served seeking out friendships with their own gender to balance their relationship with their significant other. Even when partners are on the same page and have a similar vision, a different perspective and alternative outlet will enhance both the person's mental health and their relationship.

A relationship is a give and take, with each partner bringing their unique skills to the table to blend into a harmonious home life —if the skills are complementary. Women often complain about intense emotional labor, but some enjoy the power it confers on them. Bad actors like kinkeepers have been known to use their power as man keepers to isolate their man, to maintain control. That is not where gold can be found.

Because sometimes, when you're mining for gold, all you find is fool's gold. To all the emotional gold diggers: There's a minefield within, and if your minefield can be consolidated with your partner's, your world —and the world you leave behind for generations to come —will truly sparkle. And there's not a lot of bullets than can penetrate a whole gold reef.

Choose your minefield carefully.

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