“Look at the stars, see how they shine for you." The opening line of Coldplay's song, "Yellow" starts a song about unrequited love for someone- or something. As Martin's devotion turns yellow, it's a parallel of how many of us undertake a dedicated search for meaning in life, and then turn back when it doesn't quite align with what we thought it should be, or because we lack the courage, strength or wherewithal to follow that particular path.
Lying under a starlit sky, the stars twinkle, drawing attention to the nagging feeling that there is so much more in the universe, so much more to life. More meaning, more elements, or as William Shakespeare's Hamlet opines to Horatio,
"There are more things in heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy"
Do the answers to the eternal question, “What is the meaning of life?” lie in the stars? And is there more to life?
But What Is The Meaning Of Life?
Back on Earth, scientists did some research on this soul-wrenching question, to find out how we experience meaning in life by looking into what people value in life. The Pew Research Center came up with some answers that indicate that the people surveyed draw meaning and fulfillment from the activities that make up their daily lives, especially their occupations, and careers.
More people named their family as a source of meaning in their lives than any other factor. Around half or more say their family is something that makes their lives fulfilling. The results- based on medians in 17 advanced economies, looked like this:
As a percentage of the median values
Family and Children: 21,3% Occupation and Career: 14,0% Material Well-being: 10,7%
Family and children, then occupation and career, followed by material well-being are the top three places where people find meaning in their lives.
Only then comes friends and community followed by physical and mental health. Freedom and independence- at 7 rates above society and institutions but is trailed by hobbies and recreation, and then education and learning.
Finding meaning in a myriad of aspects of their work, such as personal growth, the mission as outlined in their chosen profession, or their coworkers, the connection to other people played a role, yet meaning was found by older adults in the absence of work aka retirement. Travel with its new experiences and personal hobbies made up some of the lower-ranked places where the people interviewed found meaning.
Education and learning scored well in the ratings too, as did service and civic engagement, which found people talking about the benefits of service as they try to make the world a better place. The numbers beg some questions:
What if you lose your family through death, divorce, or other factors?
If you lose your job or retire does life no longer have meaning?
When life throws a curve ball- unanticipated medical expenses, investments that go bad, or many other things that cause havoc in a bank account, does meaning go down the drain with the money?
When sickness knocks at the door, is it there to collect meaning in life?
Where is the meaning in a war zone, where freedom and independence are severely curtailed?
It seems that for the people interviewed, these were not factors or priorities. But then in the pain and loss prevalent in all these questions, there is meaning to be found. Viktor Frankl's book, "Man's Search For Meaning," a review confirms much of what the celebrated neurologist-psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor said in his book. Frankl coherently explains where and how one can find their purpose in life and postulates that suffering gives meaning to life. As a survivor who spent three years in four concentration camps, including Auschwitz during WWII, losing his entire family, he had intimate knowledge of suffering.
A few things kept Frankl alive- his deep commitment to his work which gave him purpose, his connection with others in the camps, and hope. He found meaning in his suffering.
Are Meaning And Purpose The Same Thing?
Finding A Sense Of Purpose
Challenges or difficulties were raised in the Pew Research Center survey when people were asked what makes life meaningful and fulfilling in a positive sense. Interfering with their search for happiness, they sometimes struggled to think of anything meaningful in their lives. Most people identified specific things- people or activities, that make them satisfied with their lives.
The meaning defined in the survey was a generalization rather than a specific thing. The results showed that people believe that meaning is to be found externally, rather than looking within and taking control of their own joy and contentment with having a meaningful life. Life invariably has difficult moments, or times that are longer than mere moments, and only a fortunate few escape pain and suffering in their lifetimes. It is in these moments that the meaning of life is most often questioned, and the search for meaning begins in earnest.
Discovering Your Purpose
Finding a sense of purpose, Jeremy Adam Smith from Berkeley in Greater Good takes looking closer at your unique special gifts- those that set you apart from others. But that's just a part of it. By growing out of our connection to others, purpose can be a symptom of isolation that spirals into a crisis.
Finding others traveling on your path who hope to reach the same destination- and there certainly are many, culminates in a community. Smith suggests six ways to discover your purpose in life by overcoming isolation:
1. Read: Connecting to people across time and space, reading is linked to a sense of purpose and meaning. Whether it's from a bookstore, library, or friend's bookshelf, finding something to read is beneficial to the search for meaning. Not limited to books in the psychology section, authors bring a new perspective that can provoke thought and reflection in one's own life. Similarly, identifying with aspects of other's experiences could lead to personal growth by finding new ways to solve issues.
2. Turn hurts into healing for others: One person’s pain can help another to find purpose in their own life. Your journey may be the inspiration for the person next to you.
3. Cultivate awe, gratitude, and altruism: Emotions that promote health and well-being can also foster a sense of purpose, and these practices help us feel connected to something bigger than ourselves. Recent studies found that altruism and gratitude are neurologically linked, activating the same reward circuits in the brain. Similarly, purpose can also be found in what people thank you for giving but giving thanks to others can also help you find your purpose.
4. Listen to what other people appreciate about you: Giving thanks can help you find your purpose. But you can also find purpose in what people thank you for. The artists, writers, and musicians I interviewed often described how appreciation from others fueled their work. Although no research directly explores how being thanked might fuel a sense of purpose, we do know that gratitude strengthens relationships—and those are often the source of our purpose, as many of these stories suggest.
5. Find and build community: Working together for causes such as social and racial justice. the nobility of our purpose often reflects the company we keep. If personal goals are not aligned with the group's mission, it may be time to find a new group that awakens a sense of purpose.
6. Tell your story: Just like reading, writing connects you to others, or helps you order thoughts to find meaning and purpose. Creating a bridge to others helps to feel less alone, and writing can also be effective in writing down your story, and then figuring out a new narrative for the rest of your life.
Another concept, Ikigai- the Japanese secret to a long and happy life, is considered to be a motivating force in discovering your purpose through exploring the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.
Finding purpose with Ikigai
Ikigai suggests that finding where these aspects converge is where purpose and meaning are found. Happiness, it seems, follows the discovery. But is it really that simple?
Image: Adobe Stock
Suffering And Trauma Changes Everything
Life may be beautiful with a happy family (if you are very, very fortunate), a good job, and a nest egg in the bank- all the things central to finding meaning in life, apparently. Then stuff happens, or perhaps baggage that's been kept in and hauled along over years starts bubbling to the surface.
Overwhelmed by suffering and pain, one can feel locked in
By emphasizing external things to give meaning to life, when these things are removed there is a profound sense of loss- not just for the loss of a person or thing, but for the meaning in your own life attached to it. The sense of purpose disappears into thin air.
Where trauma is internalized, some become self-destructive by engaging in anti-social behavior and withdrawing from or sabotaging the meaningful connections they have, or going down the dark road of substance abuse and replacing the meaning and purpose lost with addictions to numb the pain of the loss.
Braco Pobric, who calls himself The Harmonizer, is a best-selling author who writes that trauma can be a defining moment in our lives. It leaves deep scars that seem impossible to heal. His post about discovering strength and resilience through positive psychology deals with Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) as a means to address the changes that individuals can experience after going through significant adversity.
PTG and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) are related but they are both responses to trauma, they are distinct phenomena. PTSD is a disorder with negative symptoms and psychological distress that can occur after a traumatic event. Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) hones in on the positive changes that can emerge from the traumatic experience.
This is an important distinction. Lost in depression, overwhelmed by daily life, and desperately seeking meaning and purpose, existential questions lead individuals to re-evaluate their values, priorities, and sense of purpose. It’s a long and windy road, but there are beautiful discoveries along the way, and in the process, old connections that no longer serve the person may be lost, and meaning-filled new ones are forged.
As tentative steps are taken on a path of healing, growth, and thriving, there are a myriad of options. Some won't resonate, and others will be life-changing. Keeping a journal- both to write down thoughts and to make note of possible exits to take, writing brings a material palpability to daily life. Exploring the meaning of life further can lead to:
Philosophy on the Meaning of Life
Thinking, reading, and developing theories is as old as man himself. Grounded in contemplation of, and scientific inquiries about, existence, social ties, consciousness, and happiness, philosophers differ from scientists, and from each other. From Thales- the earliest person cited by ancient sources as a philosopher who lived around the late 7th or early 6th century BCE, to Socrates- considered by many to be the founding father of Western philosophy, while Buddha, Osho, Kalil Gibran, and others developed philosophies in the East that were not entirely dissimilar.
Immanuel Kant was known as the quintessential modern philosopher despite living between 1724 and 1804 followed by others like Jean-Paul Sartre, a French philosopher known for his existentialist views. Countless others have gained fame through their philosophies and in the 21st century, many share their philosophies the internet. Some have relevant theories, others fabricate narratives to suit their agendas.
In common, is their work to give insight and meaning on what things- and life, means. Seeking out and sourcing words that resonate and uplift, theories that make sense to the explorer, are all useful on a person's journey to discovering the meaning of their own life.
Does Religion Add Meaning to Life?
Looking at the stars, it's impossible to fathom who created the universe and how. There is a Higher Power whose understanding is beyond the comprehension of mere mortals, but I am refraining from using His name out of respect for the different religions who have deeply meaningful, but diverse rules about saying His name.
In the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, the author says that if neither God nor a soul exists, then, by this view, everyone's life is meaningless. But there are some with a belief that spiritual conditions are necessary for a great or ultimate meaning in life. With this belief, If neither God nor a soul exists, everyone's life could have some form of meaning, or even be meaningful, but no one's life could exhibit the most desirable meaning.
A Higher Power or a soul substantially enhances meaningfulness or is a major contributory condition for meaning to exist. Many find not only meaning but also healing in religious beliefs. It gives life a particular structure and purpose, with history lessons to learn from, and reasons to be hopeful.
Astrology's Role in the Meaning of Life
Based on the positions of celestial bodies at the time of our birth, a unique cosmic blueprint is created. This reflects our strengths, weaknesses, and destiny and as the charts are examined and explored, profound insights into our life's purpose and relationships can be gleaned. Individual sun signs or moon signs can reveal the lessons we are meant to learn in this life. It is these lessons that are the purpose of our presence on Earth.
Much debate is had about horoscopes which predict the future, but there is value to be gained by finding reliable astrologers who give sound advice, and often spark an interest in a particular direction that we may not have considered before. From there the journey itself gives meaning to life.
Psychology as a Way to Find Meaning in Life
Understanding how your individual values fit into your life and the world around you provides a sense of meaning according to the Columbine Health Systems Center For Healthy Ageing at Colorado State University. By finding meaning in various domains of life, including work, relationships, hobbies, and interests the human mind can create its own reality.
Working within the various modalities- including NLP and other healing methods, finding meaning may take work, but it doesn’t have to be a complicated process. It can be found in the simplest of life’s joys, or as Ralph Waldo Emerson puts it,
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
How To Find Meaning In Life
The most meaningful moments and memories in life are those spent with someone who loves you deeply. This could be a spouse, a lover, a child, a family member, or a friend. Pretty much anyone who you connect with on a soul level. They give unconditional love without hesitation, asking nothing in return.
It is at their memorial services that we are reminded that it is the love they gave that enriched their lives with meaning. Whether it was love for their family, love for their career, love of others in providing selfless service, or even the love of money, this is what defines their lives. It’s about giving love, receiving it is secondary- a nice-to-have.
Given talents that we squander, and intelligence that we misdirect, at our core is love. To give life meaning, connecting to everyone under the stars to find shared meaning and joy, love is all we have to give. But too often- as the Coldplay song observes, we’re just too yellow to just give love without conditions attached, allowing our fears and insecurities to prevent us from finding the happiness that meaning brings. Meaning is there for the taking, but we spurn it through our misdirected actions. Giving our lives meaning, love really is all there is.
“See the stars, look how they shine for you, and all the things that you do.”
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